NEW YORK –

Less than three years ago, Mary Ann and David Giordano were taking turns lying on the living room floor with their Afghan hound Frankie, hand-feeding the desperately ill dog anything she would eat. She had developed severe kidney problems after contracting Lyme disease, despite being on medications meant to repel the ticks that cause it. Veterinarians weren’t sure she would survive. Yet on Monday, Frankie was at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show, healthy and ready to compete. She would face off against over a dozen other Afghan hounds — including the winner of last month’s World Dog Show in Croatia — for a chance to advance to the next round of the United States’ most prestigious canine event. “It was really tough,” Mary Ann Giordano said, her voice halting as she described Frankie’s eight-month-long ordeal. “But she made it.” For all the pooch pageantry of Westminster — the coiffed poodles, the top-knotted toy dogs, the formality of dogs trotting around a ring — it’s also an illustration of the bond people form with dogs, and what each will do for the other. Like setting up an array of box fans and even a portable dehumidifier to get a puli’s long, thick cords dry after a bath, a process that can take 24 hours, in Valarie Cheimis’ experience. The cords form naturally, though owners aid the process by separating them. Why go through all that? “These are fun dogs. They’re full of personality,” Cheimis said as she petted Csoki, one of her pulik (the proper plural), ahead of ring time. Sure, the Hungarian herding breed can be stubborn and barky, Cheimis said, but Csoki also looks after her geese and chickens at home in Kingfield, Maine, even lying down next to the goslings. Mister, a bloodhound who won a merit award in his breed Monday, also puts his breed’s ancient instincts to work. He’s qualified to trail missing people, though his calls so far have been resolved before they got into the field, said co-owner, breeder and handler Renee Wagner, of Niagara Falls, New York. A handler shows a Sloughis’ teeth during its breed group judging at the 148th Westminster Kennel Club Dog show. (Julia Nikhinson/AP Photo) The 148th Westminster show kicked off Saturday with an agility competition — won by a mixed-breed dog for the first time since Westminster added the event in 2014. Nimble, the winner, was handled by Cynthia Hornor, who took the trophy with a border collie last year. Monday marked the start of the traditional judging that leads to the best in show prize, to be awarded Tuesday night. Semifinals begin Monday night, pitting the winners of each breed against others in their “group,” such as hounds or herding dogs. The 2,500-plus first-round entrants range from tiny Yorkshire terriers to towering great Danes. They include a newly added breed, the Lancashire heeler, represented Monday by a single contestant named Mando. If he knew a lot was riding on his little shoulders, he didn’t show it as he appeared in the first-round ring and someone in the audience yelled, “Yay! History!” “He just has a rock-star attitude,” handler Jessica Plourde said afterward. The show also was a first for Alfredo Delgado and Maria Davila, who had traveled from Juncos, Puerto Rico, with their French bulldog, Duncan. Their path started when Delgado’s brother found a lost Frenchie. It was soon reunited with its owner, but Delgado was intrigued by the breed. Fast-forward some years, and he was in the Westminster ring as Duncan’s breeder, owner and handler, with Davila cheering him on. “We made a dream come true to be here,” Davila said afterward. “To share with experienced people in the ring — that was awesome.” Comet, a Shih Tzu, right, competes in breed group judging at the 148th Westminster Kennel Club Dog show. (Julia Nikhinson/AP Photo) Westminster routinely attracts a roster of dog showing’s heavy hitters. This year’s field includes Stache, a Sealyham terrier who won the National Dog Show televised last Thanksgiving, and Comet, a shih tzu who won the huge American Kennel Club National Championship that was televised on Dec. 31. Comet is “just everything you would want in a shih tzu,” co-owner, breeder and handler Luke Ehricht said after Comet won his breed Monday morning. With a flowing coat like a vanilla-and-caramel ice cream sundae that’s melting onto the table, the dog looked up at his handler with the sweet expression that’s prized in the breed. “He’s a very sweet, loving dog” who knows when it’s time to perform and when it’s time to relax, said Ehricht, of Monclova, Ohio. Later, Frankie, the recovered Afghan hound, and her littermate Belle stood side-by-side in their breed’s ring. So did the Giordanos, an Annandale, New Jersey, couple who have been side-by-side since high school. David handled Frankie, while his wife led Belle. Both dogs took jaunty spins around the ring, but neither won. Nor did the recent World Dog Show winner, named Zaida. The ribbon went to another highly ranked Afghan, named Louis. “This breed’s supposed to be ‘the king of dogs,’ and he knows he is,” handler and co-owner Alicia Jones said.  

When I was knee-deep in the early years of parenting, Facebook was in its infancy and Instagram and TikTok weren’t even on the horizon. I was stuck in the revolving door of work and parenting, and nothing about my personal life was Instagram-worthy. Dishes piled up, laundry was rarely folded, and Whole Foods did a fair amount of the cooking for me. And none of my life was online.

Somewhere between 2006 and now, parenting became a crash course in achievement, with social media grading us at every turn. With perceived perfection as the end goal, as measured by child success, and pictures to prove it cross-posted on Facebook and Instagram, kids and parents alike unknowingly entered a relentless pressure cooker.

“Parental achievement culture, and the chronic stress that comes with it, is real, if only because the resulting anxiety and churning stomach juices is real,” said Jessica Lahey, author of “The Gift of Failure.” “However, much of that stress comes from us, from the media we consume, the parents we hang out with and the childhood milestones we focus on, and it can really warp our thinking.”

The nature of childhood changed as parents did their best to ensure that their kids were front-loaded with everything they needed to succeed in childhood. Free play was replaced with adult-directed activities and story time was swapped for reading practice. Even preschoolers became mini-achievers, with their early reading success a marker of exceptional parenting.

It was a recipe for burnout.

It’s no surprise to me that researchers at the Ohio State University College of Nursing confirmed that parents are, indeed, facing burnout. In a 2023 survey of more than 700 parents nationwide, 57% of parents self-reported burnout.

Parent burnout is strongly associated with both internal and external expectations. These include whether a person feels like a good parent, perceived judgment from others, whether they have enough time to play with their children, their relationship with their spouse, and keeping a clean house.

I could live in a house littered with toys and unfolded clothes and throw a pizza on the table when work ran late without an online spotlight, but parents of young children today face impossible expectations. They have to work, create perfect learning conditions for child success, play with their children (but make sure the play involves education), cook organic everything from scratch on the daily, and make sure to update the sizzle reel often.

One other concerning finding from the survey is that parents of children with mental health disorders reported higher levels of burnout and a greater likelihood of using harsh parenting practices, including insulting, criticizing, screaming at, cursing at and/or physically harming their children. These can result in a cycle of increased mental health issues for both the parent and the child.

The researchers suggest engaging in positive parenting practices, including setting realistic and clear expectations, creating healthy boundaries and following predictable routines. Those are great starting points, especially for parents with young children, but there are other steps you can take as well:

Monitor your social media use

Social media has some benefits: It keeps us all connected, it’s fun, and it’s a healthy escape in small doses. But it also has downsides. Comparison culture is fueled by endless scrolling, we don’t always see the story beneath the story, and frequent use can correlate to feelings of low self-esteem.

There are two social media tricks that can be life-changing for adults: Mute accounts (you’re the only one who will know!) that leave you feeling stressed and set a time limit using your phone settings. You’re better off binging your favorite show on Netflix than jealous-scrolling and feeling defeated as a result.

Embrace ‘good enough’

While perfection across contexts has long been a norm in our society, we would do well to tap into the work of Dr. Donald Winnicott. The pediatrician made a splash in the field of parenting in the 1950s when he introduced the concept of “the good enough mother.” Noting that perfectionism is often counterproductive, Winnicott cautioned that no child seeks perfection from parents; they simply seek connection, physical needs and emotional safety.

I suggest updating that language to “the good enough caregiver,” but otherwise the principles hold up. To attempt perfection in child-rearing is to set kids up for a lifetime of stress and disappointment. Human beings are not perfect. Rather, doing our best on any given day is a far more realistic portrayal of how the world works.

Reframe your thinking

Lahey suggests stepping back from monitoring for signs of perceived achievement. “Our kids need to know we love them no matter what grade, point or score they bring home,” she said. “Our children are more than the sum of their accomplishments and we — their parents — are not measured by those things either.”

Lahey cautions parents to remember that parenting is a long-haul job with peaks and valleys and that kids can and do learn from their mistakes along the way.

Quit the competition

One thing that will always remain true is that all children learn and grow at their own developmental paces. Milestones are simply goalposts to monitor for the extremes, but they are flexible. No two children are the same.

You have the choice to step back, decrease the classes, sports and other activities you feel are essential because of external expectations, and find the right pace for your family. I often encourage parents to use a whiteboard calendar to write down every single thing they have to do in a week and then step back and remove at least two things. Small changes can reap big rewards, including decreased parental stress and burnout.

You can quit the competition, and your kids will be better for it.

Dr. Katie Hurley is the senior clinical advisor for The Jed Foundation, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, and the author of several books, including “No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident, and Compassionate Girls” and the forthcoming “Fiona McPhee, Please Listen to Me!”

Some people love to wash their car, and for others, it’s their most hated chore. It’s a necessity for car owners, so no matter where you fall on the love-hate spectrum, you want a car wash that’s going to give your car a deep clean that lasts. Automatic car washes are at almost any gas…

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Even when you are lucky enough to start with an empty room, it can be overwhelming to design an interior that you can enjoy for years to come. Following some basic interior design principles, you can transform your space into a relaxing room you will be comfortable and happy with. Decide what your focal point will be and build out from there.  For best results, keep proportion and scale in mind as you decorate as well as these tips!

 Deciding on Your Focal Point
Do you have a magnificent bay window with an incredible view?  Is there an ornate mantle that is the reason you fell in love with your home? Or is there something you absolutely MUST HAVE in the room? Situate your furniture around your chosen focal point to create balance and equilibrium. If your room does not already have an existing focal point, create one with oversized art or add an accent point like a free-standing fireplace, they come in a variety of sizes and styles. Symmetrically balance the room evenly so that both sides mirror one another.  This will help your chosen focal point stand out all the more! Use matching accent tables to flank your sofa or use different pieces of furniture to create a copacetic visual impact, like two similar armchairs to balance a sofa.
Repetition for Rhythm
Rhythm creates a flow and helps direct the eye to the differing visual elements in your room. Just as the notes of a favorite song repeat to create the rhythm, repetition in decor will create a rhythm throughout a home. Establish visual interests with a rhythm throughout your space by placing similar colours or patterns at intervals and repeat in artwork, cushions or area rugs.

Perfect Proportion and Suitable Scaling
Who doesn’t love a large, overstuffed chair? But if your room is on the smaller size it may look out of place and make your room seem even smaller than it is. Keep proportion in perspective. Proportion is the ratio between a piece of furniture and the size of a room. Scale is the size of a piece of furniture in relation to the other pieces of furniture in the room. A super large chair will overpower an apartment of loft size sofa or loveseat and create a sense of unbalance in the room.

Have your room humming harmoniously
Creating harmony will enhance how much you will continue to love your finished. Pull the room with a subdued colour palette for a pleasing, harmonious vibe.   together for a pleasing, harmonious look with a subdued color palette. You can also use a single colour for elements that vary in size and shape. Check out our blog on Doing White on White Right! for more tips!

What is the focal point in your room?  What is your best tip to find harmony and balance through your home?